


I Will Not be Brave

by TheWomanInGreen



Series: The Lions Living in the Wiry Broke Down Frames of My Friends Bodies [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Enemies to Friends, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Lives, captured by Death Eaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWomanInGreen/pseuds/TheWomanInGreen
Summary: Regulus Black expected to die fetching that cursed horcrux from the cave. He didn't expect to captured by those he once called friends. He didn't expect his new cellmate to be James Potter.
Relationships: Regulus Black & James Potter, Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Series: The Lions Living in the Wiry Broke Down Frames of My Friends Bodies [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771654
Comments: 105
Kudos: 518
Collections: Kudos





	1. The Top of the Big Night Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt by reguluspromts. I have most of this story worked out and I’m currently working on the third chapter so I should be able to post every few days. 
> 
> Getting back into writing in lockdown cus I can’t make sourdough. 
> 
> TW: there is canon typical violence in the cave scene and then descriptions of torture aftermath. I don’t think there’s anything too graphic though.

_Traitor_

  
_Fool_

  
_Pathetic_

  
_Failure_

  
The inferi surrounded Regulus on all sides, screaming their insults as they dragged him further from the tiny island in the middle of the lake. He scrabbled at the loose shards of stone which littered the island, desperate for purchase, his eyes unseeing despite the light that still streamed in from the entrance. All he could see were the contorted faces of those he’d hurt, those he’d abandoned, those he would never see again.

  
It was the figure of Sirius that hurt the most, his eyes cold and closed off, he looked upon the struggling figure of his brother with distain.

  
_You couldn’t even do this right, you never could have been my brother, you were hardly worthy to live in the same house as me. How could you ever call me brother?_

  
The hands that grabbed him tore through his clothes and into the soft flesh beneath, grabbing hold of skin and muscle, trying to force Regulus into a watery grave. He barely felt it, his mind elsewhere as he was bombarded with visions.

  
_You’re unfit to be my son_

  
_You could have been so much more_

  
Kreacher was long gone; he’d ordered the elf away as soon as he’d been able to thrust the locket into his bony hands, demanding that he leave, destroy what evil had brought them there.

  
Regulus was forced under water once more, his eyes were open but didn’t see the hoards that surrounded him, their ghoulish faces void of all humanity. Their mouths were unnaturally wide, open in contorted screams, an echo of the pain and futility of their final moments, something which Regulus would soon share with them.

  
_How could you do this Regulus?! You let me die!_

  
The face of a young woman emerged, a muggle-born he’d known from school, he’d been there when the raid had found her with her family. He could have saved her; he should have saved her. Or, perhaps he shouldn’t even have been there in the first place, should have been anywhere else but in that group. He hadn’t hurt her, he’d missed all his hexes, but what defence was that when she was dead; what good was that when he’d watched her die?

  
Regulus’s arms pinwheeled under the water, though he couldn’t say whether it was to get away from the surrounding inferi or the visions which were all the more painful. It was then that his arms struck something solid.

  
The chain the boat had been tied up with, it was longer than Regulus might have thought. As the inferi tore through the water the end of the chain must have come up from the deep with them. As soon as his hand grasped the cold metal, Regulus began to try desperately to haul himself away from the hoards tearing at his clothes.

  
The shouts and insults which had paralysed him began to spur him on instead. He wouldn’t die pathetic, he wouldn’t die a traitor or a fool, if he had to die, he wanted to die fighting to his last.

  
It was with a monumental effort that his head broke the surface of the lake, spluttering out the water which had invaded his lungs. As he coughed up the filthy water, his head finally began to clear from the images and visions assaulting him from all sides.

  
He wasn’t safe yet, the inferi continued to grab hold. He felt his jumper, an old one of Sirius’, rip as the inferi tried to drag him back under. Regulus finally managed to get hold of the rock; he’d somehow made it across the lake in his panic and was now back by the entrance. With one final effort he dragged himself fully out of the water and rolled away, sprawled across the entrance way, leaving a trail of murky water tinged red with blood.

  
He knew he had to move, he couldn’t stay here long, he’d tripped all the wards in this place and who knew how long it would take for the Dark Lord to find out.

  
He tried to lift himself up but could only release a weak cry as the cuts and incisions that littered his body burned and bubbled up with the effort.

  
Regulus frantically tried to feel for his wand, only to discover that its holster had been ripped apart by the inferi.

  
He had nothing.

  
The cave had gone silent, the inferi had returned to the depths, even the waves from outside seemed muted in the strange stillness which had overtaken all other impulses and movements.

  
Regulus sighed and tilted back his head, he looked out at the stars through the cave entrance. His head was muddled and his vision blurred, but he tried his best to fix his eyes on the stars. As Regulus gasped through what he knew to be his last breaths, he smiled at the thought of the brightest star, the dog star, shining down on him, seeing what he had accomplished. It seemed, after all, his final act of courage would be known to Sirius.

* * *

The whole thing had been a bust from the start. They never should have bothered following such a weak lead. Well, if James was being honest, he shouldn’t have insisted in following such a weak lead. James’ eyesight was poor but it turns out his hindsight is pretty fucking amazing even when running for his life from a bunch of hooded assholes firing hex after hex.

“Go ahead, I’ll fight them off!” Sirius yelled to him, as the two of them ducked behind oak trees. Spells flew past and James could see blood streaming from a cut at the top of Sirius’ head.

  
“You know I can’t, you’re the secret keeper for the mission, it would be a fool’s errand to go without you,” James called back. Sirius could sometimes be tremendously pig-headed in his apparent quest for martyrdom. It was endearing at school, but no good in these situations.

  
“Get Lily and the others to safety,” James cried, firing back spells as he did. He knew he should probably wait to hear other options, but the prospect of Lily being in anymore danger had addled his brain. They’d only just found out; she couldn’t be more than eight weeks along.

  
Before the others could argue with what was surely to be seen as a severe act of recklessness – possibly because it undoubtedly was – James charged out from behind the tree into the throng of Death Eaters.

  
He heard Lily call for him, scream for him, but he knew that Sirius would get her to safety. Despite Sirius’ desire for glory which often came across as looking more like a desire for a glorious death, he knew he wouldn’t put Lily in danger if he could avoid it. Not the night after they’d asked him to be Godfather.

  
As he advanced towards the throng ahead of him James thought once more of his fiancé. He hoped she’d be ok, he hoped his child would be ok.

  
Spells came towards him from all directions but seemed to clash together to create a strange amalgam as it hit him square in the chest. He didn’t even feel himself hit the ground.

* * *

If he was being honest with himself, he’d rather hoped for more from the afterlife. After all, he’d been a soldier for a glorious cause, a righteous goal; he’d died protecting his pregnant fiancé. Where were the winged creatures carrying him to Valhalla, or the angels greeting him at the pearly gates? Hell, he didn’t even think he’d been reincarnated as he could still remember the absolute clusterfuck that was his last life, he was due a do-over at the very least.

  
Instead he seemed to be currently slumped against a hard wall, stone by how cold it felt, in a place that smelt like damp and sweat. He could hear something dripping like an absolute fucking cliché, though more concerning were the faint screams, they sounded distant but with the stone surroundings they could be a lot closer than they sounded.

  
“James?”

  
A familiar voice, one he’d not expected to hear again. He made a faint grunt in affirmation, not his most suave of greetings, but hey, he was entitled to a little time to recover, he’d just died.

  
Except maybe he hadn’t given that this person clearly knew him by his original name and he was in far too much physical pain to have left his earthly body.

  
He slowly wrenched his eyes open, except nobody had done the decent thing and placed his glasses on for him, so the whole business was rather futile.

  
“James, it’s Marlene,” the voice, Marlene, said again. Now, this drew James’ attention, it seemed he wasn’t the only dead person in the room.

  
“Marlene? Where the fuck am I? Why do I feel like I’ve been hit by one of those muggle carriages?”

  
“I can’t answer the last question, or really give much information about the second, but we’re definitely in some Death Eater hide out. You’ve been here for what I think is about a day, but it’s hard to tell. You’re more likely to know than me how long I’ve been here.”

  
“You’ve been missing ten days, but the whole house was such a mess we didn’t even class you as missing. Oh God, I’m sorry Marlene we hadn’t even been looking.”

  
“Don’t worry, I know how it is. I know what I got myself into,” she sighed and he was surprised at the honestly in her tone, she didn’t even seem upset that they had barley searched the rubble. He saw the blur that he knew to be Marlene move towards him and suddenly the room sharpened as his glasses were placed back where they belonged.

  
He took a moment to glance around the room he found himself in but nothing really stuck out. It was plain and disappointing in its banality and reliance on the basic principle of a prisoners’ cell. It couldn’t have been much bigger than the Hogwarts broom cupboard and there were only a few small flames to add a flickering light to the darkness.

  
Marlene sat in front of him, her clothes blackened, presumably by the fire which had burned down her house, and she had a couple of nasty cuts across her face. Despite all this James couldn’t help but be relieved to the point of near bewilderment. She looked almost fine.

  
“You… you look, surprisingly well for a dead woman,” he murmured. Just as he spoke there came another piercing scream from upstairs, the sort of sound that only came from one who’d been trying to be silent but couldn’t hold in the noise any longer. It was a terrible sound. James shivered and immediately turned towards the source by reflex.

  
“That’ll be why,” Marlene murmured, “he arrived only a day after I got here. He looked bad when they took him in but he’s only gotten worse since. They seem incensed with him.”

  
“Who is he? One of ours?” James began to wrack his brains, trying to work out who in the Order had died or gone missing in the past week or so, but he was drawing a blank.

  
“I don’t recognise him, he was wearing a Gryffindor jumper when he first came in, or well, what was left of one. But couldn’t have been someone from our year, or even close unless he was well disguised. He can’t speak to me; they charm his vocal cords whenever they drag him back here. Whatever he’s done, or knows, it’s clearly important. They’ve hardly paid me any mind since he got here. Poor guy, I wish I could do something. It’s bloody awful to hear and not have any way to help.”

  
There was another scream, this time cut off by a painful gurgle.

  
James turned to Marlene, about to ask before she interrupted him, “I doubt he’s dead, before you ask, there have been a few times I thought he might be. Whatever he knows he’s not giving it up. Perhaps he doesn’t know anything. I almost wish he would die, it’s not human to last so long, I don’t know many I think could.”

  
“What’s he look like?” James hoped he might be able to identify the mystery cellmate.

  
“Honestly, at first, I would have said Black, he looks a damn sight like him, only smaller, more delicate somehow. I don’t think he can be even our age, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was still at Hogwarts, though it’s horrifying to think. You don’t think they can take kids out from there, not from under Dumbledore?”

  
James shook his head vigorously, he couldn’t afford to believe Hogwarts was no longer safe, it was the only safe place he knew.

  
The thought of someone younger than even him in this situation was making James feel ill, though that could also be put down to a possible concussion. Maybe it was the new prospect of fatherhood, but the feeling of protectiveness came upon him like a cloak. The despair gave way to determination, after all, he was James Potter, and a fellow Gryffindor was in trouble. He would get them out, all three of them. He had to.

  
Footsteps began to approach the door and James scrambled back to make room, he didn’t want his back to be to whoever might come through that door.

  
James didn’t like to think of himself as arrogant but he was decidedly self-assured, and he knew that he must have had some importance as a prisoner, given his strong place within the Order, therefore he was a little knocked back when the two Death Eaters barely spared him a second glance as they threw in his cellmate.

  
The kid, and he really must have been a kid, there was no way he was older than James, didn’t even make an attempt to catch himself as he was thrown into the room. His dark hair was matted and lay in clumps around his head, perhaps it once would have been shoulder length. He was skinny and looked at least a head shorter than James with wrists so thin they appeared almost bird like in how delicate they were. He was wearing muggle jeans and a Gryffindor jumper though both were so covered in rips and grime they were hard to see as real clothes rather than the kind of rags James would usually see a house elf wearing. One of the sleeves of his jumper had been ripped off at some point at James could see the word ‘Traitor’ carved into the skin of his right arm; the cuts looked deep as though the word had been traced a number of times.

  
Marlene rushed forward, clearly more used to the sight than James who was still reeling from being captured in the first place.

  
“Hey, hey,” Marlene soothed, grabbing hold of the kid’s shoulders and lifting up his torso, she carefully dragged him over so he could sit slumped against the wall. “Look, we have a new visitor, maybe we can put together a Quidditch team if we get a couple more,” Marlene smiled, but her eyes looked pained as she cupped his face in her hands and tipped his head back against the wall as well.

  
The kid let out a slight moan but it sounded strange as it failed to connect with his vocal cords, coming out instead like a strange cross between a squeak and a gurgle. His head canted to one side before he made eye contact with Marlene and gave her a wan smile.

  
As Marlene shuffled back it was then that James looked at the face of their cellmate. He gasped in shock. That kid was no Order member, he wasn’t even in Gryffindor.

  
That was Regulus Black.


	2. Please Hurry, Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus remembers his capture. James makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2. I kept thinking of plot holes while writing this which I hope I've managed to effectively cover! 
> 
> There's a description of use of the cruciatus curse and all the nastiness that comes with and also a short description of an injury. 
> 
> All the chapter titles come from First Love/Late Spring by Mitski

Regulus was exhausted, he could barely remember his own name, where he was, what he was even doing here. Unfortunately, one of the few things he could remember was the one thing he wished he could forget; he knew who he gave the locket to, he even had a pretty shrewd idea of where it was.

_He didn’t know how long he’d been collapsed at the entrance of the cave; he’d drifted into consciousness a couple of times but never had the strength to move. He didn’t know how he’d been discovered; he could only assume that his complete tripping of every single ward there had something to do with it._

_He remembered with a shiver being grabbed hold of by those he had once called friends, Barty on one side and his cousin Bella on the other. Their rough hands dragged him to his feet as he stared into the eyes of his former master. The Dark Lord had looked enraged, his red eyes bore into Regulus’ own, such a look of fury the young man had never seen before. It took all he had, sluggish and woozy as he had been, to meet those eyes and not shrink back. He’d made his choice; it was time to stand by it._

_The Dark Lord had wasted no time in casting the Imperius curse. Regulus felt, rather than willed, his body upright. Only his eyes were left to roam of their own free will, desperate glances toward the stony faces of those he’d loved. Bellatrix was the only one who’s face portrayed any emotion, her twisted expression had taken away any sign of affection that there might have once been for her younger cousin: the look was pure hate mixed with anger._

_Regulus was forced back into the boat, this time accompanied by Barty rather than his beloved house elf. When they got to the island, Regulus’ hand lurched forward of its own accord to drink the potion once more. As the effects took over his weakened body, he seemed to lose all strength in his muscles, he felt the arms of his once friend hold him upright as his own hands betrayed him, forcing the potion down his throat. Perhaps it was the loose sense of reality he’d had, or perhaps it was the fact that he was already facing his worst fears, but the second drinking of the potion was not as bad as the first. The visions came but Regulus didn’t cry out, didn’t weep. He knew who he was this time, he was no longer a kid striking out on a fool’s errand, he’d already achieved what he had set out to do._

_Despite his desperation for water, for something to quench his thirst, the imperious curse was strong, and the Inferi were not disturbed a second time._

_As he handed the locket back to the Dark Lord, Regulus felt the controlling influence of the curse leave him, he dropped to the floor like a puppet with its strings severed. From his sprawled position on the ground he stared up as the Dark Lord, his former master, opened the locket to find the note within. When red eyes met his once more, Regulus couldn’t help it: he smirked._

_He should have died then. He was ready to die. He heard Bellatrix take a breath and begin to utter the killing curse, her wand pointed to his prone form of the ground. The Dark Lord beat her to it._

_“Crucio!” the rage in his voice was terrible, he had whipped his wand out in a heartbeat, his other hand crushing Regulus’ letter._

_The pain was unbearable, it burned from every corner of his body, racing through his nerves like fire. Regulus was already weary and hurt, he couldn’t hold back his screams as much as he might have wanted to._

_He didn’t know how long it went on for, his mind was unable to comprehend anything except the agony of the curse. It was worse than the inferi, worse than the potion. The cruciatus curse was at its most powerful when fuelled by strong emotions, and the Dark Lord was incensed. The rage and anger made the curse all the more terrible, all the more all-encompassing. The sky could have collapsed around him and Regulus wouldn’t have noticed a thing accept the agony of his situation._

_Regulus was left trembling and gasping, his body was spasming with the force of the curse. He couldn’t even put up a token protest as the Dark Lord himself sullied his own hands in grabbing hold of this traitor. Regulus was pulled face to face with Voldemort, he could see his own pale, hollow face reflected back at him from the black of the Dark Lord’s pupils._

_“Where is it?” he hissed, more serpent than human._

_“I don’t know,” Regulus grinned, almost delirious from the pain._

_He was thrown to the floor once more, facing a second round of the cruciatus curse before Voldemort, stopped to let out a howl of rage._

_He hefted Regulus up once more before his voice took on a silky soft quality, “Where’s the locket Regulus? Things will go very hard for you if you don’t tell me.”_

_By this point Regulus was struggling to focus, everything around him was blurred but he tried to focus on his previous master._

_“I believe there’s a locket in your pocket, my Lord,” he slurred._

_Regulus was thrown to the ground, barely conscious._

_“I don’t want to see this traitor or any of you again until you have found the real locket, I don’t care how you do it,” the Dark Lord hissed._

_Regulus wasn’t aware of being taken; he had passed out before they had even apparated away._

Regulus wasn’t sure how long he’d been in this cell, his time there punctuated by sessions of torture and questioning that seemed to get longer and longer. He was lucky that during his feverish research into horcruxes he’d managed to learn a reasonable amount about occlumency. He never would have been able to hide his desires from the Dark Lord without it, and now it was all that was saving him from spilling everything under the veritaserum that swirled in every drink he was given. Of course, even the strongest mind would not protect him from torture. Despite his best efforts he knew he was cracking at the seams, he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out and what would be first to go, his secrets or his sanity. He didn’t know how he’d held out so long. Perhaps he should ask for a paper and pen so he could write to his mother and thank her for the way his upbringing must really have added to his mental fortitude.

Regulus wasn’t quite sure what to make of the arrival of James Potter. As short a time as a year ago he probably would have glared and seethed no matter how dire his situation was. This was the man who Sirius called ‘brother’, his replacement. Yet, of all the things Regulus knew to be true, the fact that he was not long for this world was chief among them, he also knew that Sirius deserved a family, a proper family that loved him. He couldn’t begrudge his brother that. He was dying and it was time to get his affairs in order, even if it was only through letting go of old hurts and resentments. Nobody likes to hear a list of complaints at someone’s death bed. Regulus would know, he was there when his father had died.

Marlene Mckinnon was oblivious to the tension that had entered the room at James’ recognising him, or perhaps she simply felt that looking over Regulus for fresh injuries took priority. Bless her, she was too good for this place.

“They’ve traced it again? Bastards,” she hissed, looking over his right arm, where his delightful cousin had sliced his new moniker into his skin. Regulus paid little attention to her examinations, instead keeping his eyes fixed on James. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for in his new cellmate’s expression.

He wouldn’t wish anyone else here with him, but he couldn’t help but be glad for the presence of Marlene. He hadn’t known her at school, and hadn’t recognised her until she’d introduced herself. She was kind, a lot kinder than Regulus knew he deserved. She’d even tried to stop them from taking him a couple of times, she’d be thrown back for her troubles, but it was nice that someone cared. Regulus didn’t think anyone had ever taken care of him before without wanting something in return. Yet here he was, in possession of nothing but arguably his own sanity, and she bandaged his wounds and spoke to him of better times. Regulus had no hope left for himself, but for Marlene, he wished for freedom.

It was to that end that he was most grateful for the arrival of James Potter. He had no love for the Potter heir, but he knew of his skills and ability to pull off the impossible. If anyone could get Marlene out, James could. Regulus would give up the rest of his sanity to help him do it.

* * *

James couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. The last time he had seen Regulus had been just before he’d graduated Hogwarts, Regulus had been walking the corridors, an armful of books clutched to his chest. The two had not made eye contact but they had never had much to say to each other. Regulus had always been his best friend’s bratty younger brother, the smarmy git that was the perfect pureblood heir to the Black family. Before this James would have thought Regulus would be much more likely one of his jailors than his cellmate. The last he had heard Regulus had been accompanying the Death Eaters on their raids and was well on his way to joining Voldemort’s inner circle.

“Let’s see your left arm.”

Marlene went to roll up the sleeve and James twitched as if to stop her. He expected to see the dark inky black of the Dark Mark staining the almost unnatural paleness of Regulus’ skin. What he saw instead was somehow worse. The arm was a mess, there was barely any skin left, it oozed blood and puss from thick lacerations which were hard to trace as they crossed over each other so many times. The arm was clearly riddled with infection, James could even smell it. He tried to hold in a gag but clearly hadn’t been able to as Marlene had fixed him with a glare.

James shuffled across the floor, trying to ignore Regulus’ flinch at his approach, and sat next to his best friend’s younger brother. He took hold of Regulus’ right hand, as Marlene tried to clean his arm as best as she could.

“Well Reggie, seems like you’ve really landed yourself in the shit,” James tried for a smile, though in reality it was probably more a grimace.

Regulus turned to look at him, his face was a mess of slight cuts and bruises. He looked so young, too fucking young. They were all too young. He gave James a small shrug before leaning his head back against the wall.

“You know him?” Marlene murmured, finishing up what she was doing on his arm before wrapping it in a make shift bandage.

“Yeah,” James sighed, unsure of how to describe Regulus. Somehow ‘little shit’ or ‘pureblood prejudiced twat’ no longer seemed like the right descriptors.

Regulus had drifted out of consciousness, either he had fallen asleep or passed out from the pain, James couldn’t say which, perhaps it was both.

He shuffled away slightly and sat next to Marlene, “that’s Sirius’ brother. To tell you the truth I have no idea what he’s doing here, I didn’t think he’d be one to fall out of favour with Voldemort.”

Marlene looked down slightly, perhaps trying to reconcile what little she knew of Regulus with the man in front of her. But the time they’d spent in companionship was clearly more important to her than any perception she might have had of him at school; her expression remained one of compassion and concern.

“He won’t last much longer. I’m not sure what will give out first, his mind or his body. Either way, he doesn’t have much time.”

“Do you know why he’s here?” James asked, “what they want from him?”

“I couldn’t say, and he can’t tell me, clearly he must know something very hush hush since they won’t even let him speak to me and I hardly think they’re expecting me to leave this place any time soon.”

“He always was smart,” James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, the back of his head was crusty from blood; he must have hit his head when he passed out.

“Well, I don’t hear much; he must be frustrating them fairly thoroughly. All I know is that they want to know where he’s put something or who has it. It must be mighty important; I can’t think of anything they’d want so badly. Perhaps something from the Black estate?”

“Sirius would be a better person to ask than me, I know there are a lot of dark artifacts in Grimmauld Place.”

“Well whatever he knows at this rate it’s going to die with him. Look at him, his arm’s infected something fierce, he’s forever having spasms from that awful curse, he’s barely eaten or slept in what must be over a week. He’s got days, James, and not many of them.”

James looked at Regulus and saw the wisdom of Marlene had said. He could see the rise and fall of the smaller man’s chest but it seemed to stutter frequently and his breathing sounded laboured, echoing in the room. His body was periodically twitching and having spasms, pulling on the cuts and lacerations. James could see the ones on his arms but he dreaded to think how many others there were.

It took James seconds to realise that, however much he’d disliked the git at school, he couldn’t watch his best friend’s brother slowly die in some dingy basement. Regulus was a kid, a kid who had once been happy and laughing before the last few years had slowly drained him of all the joy he’d once had. James wasn’t prepared to watch the rest of him waste away as well. As he shifted, he felt a shard of something sharp jab into his thigh from inside his pocket.

“Well we better get moving then,” James said, “I don’t think the National Health Service extends to these parts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought, I have a vague idea of where I want this to go but if you have any particular characters you'd like featured I could probably swing it.
> 
> Couldn't resist a mention to the fabulous NHS!


	3. Please don't say you love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets a call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty dialogue heavy chapter ahead (sorry Regulus!)  
> Anyway, a few of you had been asking about Sirius so here he is.

“Padfoot.”

“Sirius.”

“Sirius stop fucking around and answer the mirror.”

Sirius scrambled up, a piece of parchment was sticking to his face from where he’d slumped against maps and scribbled intel the night before. Despite the attitude of some in the Order, Sirius refused to give up on James, not when they hadn’t found a body.

He ran to the mantle and gripped his half of the mirror, coming face to face with a dishevelled but very much alive James.

“Prongs! I can’t believe you kept this on you, you sly bastard. Where the fuck are you? Don’t you know it’s rude not to let people know when you’re gonna be late home. I’ll start thinking you’re off cheating on me with some hussy.”

“Who you calling hussy? Did nobody ever teach you manners, Black?” Another face came into view and Sirius did a double take as he spotted the familiar guise of Marlene Mckinnon.

“Marley! You’re alive!”

“Last time I checked,” she grinned, making a show of looking herself over for signs of life.

“Is Lily ok Sirius?” James asked, a look of concern clouding over his childish grin.

“She’s fine, she’s fine, wait lemme find her now. She’ll have my balls if I stay on for too long without telling her.”

Sirius dashed from his place in the study along the hall before thumping loudly on a door down the corridor.

“Evans! Evans! Your wayward fiancé is on line one, care to take the call?”

Sirius hopped from foot to foot waiting for the door to open, and in his eagerness nearly got caught in the face by it as Lily threw it open with force.

“James?” Lily gasped, her face was blotchy and red like she’d been crying.

“I’m ok, we’re both ok,” James gestured to himself and Marlene, who Lily gave a cry of joy over seeing.

“You’re ok? Both of you? I never thought I’d see you again Marlene!” Her eyes began to fill up once more as Lily couldn’t help but laugh.

“Gosh, I should do this more often if this is the reception I get.”

“Yeah yeah, we’re all impressed with your skill in living, now we’ve just gotta keep you that way. Any thoughts?” Sirius asked, the gears in his head beginning to turn.

“How many do we have in the landing party?” Lily asked, the joy of seeing her friend alive only just starting to wear off as the reality of the task ahead began to hit.

“Three to beam up, Mr Spock,” Marlene gave a mock salute while James looked on in confusion.

Lily nodded, “ok so we need to figure out a plan, do either of you have much on you that could help? Potions? Wands?”

At the shaking of their heads Sirius jumped in, unwilling to be outdone in muggle references “what about the third Musketeer, they any use?”

“Passed out,” James stated, grabbing hold of Marlene’s hand to stop her from saying more. He didn’t know why but he wasn’t sure he could quite face telling Sirius yet. They had enough to focus on with the plan.

“Any idea what delightful part of the country you’ve found yourselves in?” asked Sirius, seemingly not too interested in interrogating the matter of the third prisoner further now that he’d been told there wasn’t much use in them.

“No idea,” said James, “I was well out of it, don’t even know if I was apparated here or came by portkey.”

“What about the mirror? Is there anyway to track it?” Lily asked.

“Not that I’m aware of, it’s just for communication. There aren’t many spells I know of that can be used for tracking,” said James.

“I bloody hate tracking magic, so fucking temperamental, always focused on blood which we all know is a load of bullshit,” said Sirius.

“Well, what are the possible spells?” said Lily.

“James is my brother and it should fucking work, unfortunately that’s the one way I’m still tied to my bullshit pureblood family, the bunch of pricks.”

“Well me and James are engaged, and you’ve been his brother for years, surely there would be some kind of magical tie there?”

“You’d think, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, magic is a complete bitch in that regard, leaving me tied to a bunch of assholes instead of my real family. So, unless you’re hiding my mother in there with you, Prongs, I guess we need to find another way.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

James shuffled slightly and looked at Marlene who gave him a pointed look in return.

“Well, since you mention it,” James murmured.

“James, don’t joke about that shit, the only way Walburga Black would be there was if she’d gone to check in on how her perfect son was getting on with his new Death Eater frie…” Sirius paused, “it’s Reg isn’t it?”

James nodded.

“Well I hope you reminded him what a complete twat he is, the fucker. I knew he’d joined; I knew it, I shouldn’t be surprised he’s there, one of them, sucking up to that boldy bastard. Fuck!” Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s not like that,” James started.

“I did say there was three to beam up,” said Marlene.

“Wait,” said Lily, ever the sensible voice in the room, “you’re telling me that the other prisoner is Regulus? Sirius’ Regulus?”

“He’s not my Regulus! And if he’s fucked it up with Voldemort then it seems he’s nobody’s fucking Regulus.”

“He’s awake,” Marlene hissed, “he can hear you.”

“Too fucking bad, it’s the bloody truth. That sycophantic little shit should have thought things through before joining a literal murder cult out of some sense of bigoted pride and mimicry of the perfect little pureblood twat that mummy would love. If he hadn’t clung to our family like a fucking limpet and actually grown a spine maybe he’d have someone to call friend.”

“Well he’s my fucking friend so shut the fuck up,” Marlene groused.

“That little git of a Death Eater would kill you in a heartbeat if he thought mummy would give him a hug for the endeavour,” Sirius hissed.

“Fuck you, Sirius, you don’t know shit,” Marlene hissed back, her eyes lighting up.

“Ok let’s take this down a notch,” Lily sighed, “we need to focus on the issue at hand. Sirius can you just hold it in for two minutes so we can try and sort this magic out? We’re not gonna lose people over this.”

James nodded, having been silent up until that point, “Lily’s right, you can argue and yell as much as you like later Pads.”

Sirius sighed, feeling cornered and hating it, “Well, put the little shit on, let’s see what he has to say.”

Sirius could see Marlene and James look over to someone out of shot of the mirror, before they turned back.

“Here’s not very with it right now,” Marlene said, “might be better if we just talked this through ourselves.”

“What, little Reggie scared of facing up to his big bad brother? Fucking pass me over, he can deal with it. Lily said it herself, we’ve got shit to do.”

“It’s not that,” James sighed, “he can’t speak at the moment, some kind of magic, it’s affecting his vocal cords.”

“Ain’t that a beautiful way to get out of explaining yourself,” said Sirius, “it’s gonna be a lot harder to get this magic done and get you all out without him being able to speak so if he’s faking, maybe advise him to start making a dramatic recovery.”

James looked unsure for a moment, looking over again in the corner where Regulus must have been but Marlene jumped in before he could say anything. “He’s not faking,” she said, firmly, “I’ve been here with him for what must be over a week.”

Sirius sighed again, “ok ok fine, whatever, just put him on ok. All this secrecy is starting to make this all feel like an elaborate prank.” He was shifting a little from foot to foot, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck with one hand; a nervous energy returning.

James and Marlene looked at each other once more before the mirror was moved and placed into someone else’s unsteady hands, causing the image quiver.

Sirius couldn’t help but suck in a breath at the sight of his little brother, bloody and bruised and looking altogether a lot less like the perfect heir than when Sirius had last seen him. “Fuck sake, Reggie,” Sirius sighed, “what the fuck have you been up to?”

Regulus gave him a pointed look before vanishing from view, handing the mirror back to James and Marlene.

Despite his earlier bravado, Sirius’ face took on a more sombre tone. “Ok, well that’s definitely him, can confirm, still has that awful nose.” He felt Lily place a hand on his upper arm and he didn’t shake her off despite the temptation to do so.

“Ok, well, seems like we’re getting somewhere, how do we do the tracking spell?” Lily asked.

“Well the good news is it doesn’t involve wands, the bad news is it does involve chanting, usually,” Sirius sighed, “and some pretty complicated runes, fuck I was always falling asleep in that class, Bathsheda would be laughing her ugly hat off if she could see me now.”

“I can find the books,” Lily said, “are you able to work it out ok on your end?”

“Neither of us took Runes, bloody weird subject, the only people who seemed to take it were right nerds more into books than people.” James sighed before pausing and looking over, “oh, urm, actually I think we’ll be fine.”

“Ha, Reggie always was a swot,” Sirius smiled a little, “bet the little fucker has the entire runic spell casters manual memorised, probably slept with it under his pillow.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “right so that’s one problem solved, I take it the spell has to be written out in blood,” she made a face.

“Well, they’d hardly let you get away with using a biro, this is old magic, kind of shit that nobody bothers with unless they have to,” said Sirius.

“Does it have to be a fresh cut?” Marlene asked, “he’s lost so much blood already.”

“He’ll be fine,” Sirius said quickly, “we need the spell and it’ll work best with something especial done for it.”

“It doesn’t have to be a river, just enough to make the inscription. I didn’t take the NEWT but from what I remember runic magic is based on how precise it is, not how big. I’m sure Regulus could make it small and accurate,” Lily had come back with a sizable tome in her hands.

“We better hurry, we won’t have much time before they’ll come back for him,” Marlene, murmured.

“What do they want with him anyway?” Sirius asked, his eyes squinting slightly, “I thought this was just a, ‘you suck for not killing enough’ kinda thing.”

“It’s more than that,” James said.

“We don’t know what it is exactly, he can’t tell us, but they want some kind of information from him. We thought maybe you might be more likely to know, are there any artefacts at Grimmauld, something the Dark Lord would be after?” Marlene asked, her curiosity overcoming her sense of urgency.

A hand shot into frame and there was a brief glimpse of a mangled arm as the mirror seemed to be brought down across another arm.

“Fuck, Reggie, warn a guy,” Sirius hissed.

The mirror was handed back to a slightly wide-eyed Marlene, she turned to look over at Regulus before sighing. Marlene and James shuffled round so that Regulus was visible in the mirror, he was hunched over himself and frowning in concentration as he used a fresh gash across his arm to draw a strange mismatch of symbols, his hand shaking a little as he did so.

If Sirius had thought to be worried about someone noticing the cut, he soon saw that his worry would have been unfounded by the number of them that littered his brother’s arms, it placed an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. He resisted the childish urge to wrap his arms around himself.

“Talk about flying the gun… hey, is that my jumper?”

Regulus looked up suddenly as if stung, his eyes wide, before a decidedly sheepish quality took over his delicate features. Under any other circumstances it would have been rather funny.

“This is the worst, you were always better at the silent treatment than me, the last thing you needed was an extra advantage. Lily any progress? I’d rather not have to copy the image from a backwards rendering drawn out in a darkened room in my own bro- in Regulus’ blood.”

Lily rolled her eyes but handed over the book she’d been flicking through. She peered at the mirror, looking between what Regulus was working on and what was on the page, eventually she gave a slightly defeated sigh. “Regulus, is this the correct one?”

Regulus turned and came over to the mirror, squinting a little at the picture, before nodding and turning back to his own runic symbol.

“That’s all well and good but how are you going to do the chanting? It has to be the blood connection that says the words?” Sirius asked, taking a knife in one hand as he did so before passing the mirror to Lily before rolling up one of his sleeves.

James looked over to Regulus who gave an inconclusive gesture with his hands. At the slightly bewildered expressions on everyone’s faces Marlene jumped in to interpret.

“I think what he means is that he can use gestures, or maybe just do the spell non-verbally?”

“Well I just hope he’s better at communicating magic than he is communicating basic conversation,” Sirius grouched as he made a start on copying out the symbol from the book. “I hate blood magic, nothing good ever came from this shit, this whole war was started by an obsession with blood. Fuck blood.”

“I’m sure you’ll hate blood magic a lot less when it brings you your brother back,” said Lily.

“Fuck brothers I’m doing this for James.”

“I meant James,” said Lily, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

Sirius just rolled her eyes at her and continued to draw the symbols, frowning as he did so. It’s not that he didn’t know Regulus was his brother on some level, the whole point of this magic was to take advantage of that fact after all, he just didn’t like to think about it. Ever since he’d started Hogwarts, he’d found another family which he was far more part of than he’d ever been in his old family. He was a Potter; it was only some freak accident of birth that had landed him with the misfortune of having the last name Black.

When he was finished Sirius looked up to give Regulus a nod before he began the incantation. It was strange to watch the two of them seem so in sync, their similar appearances only adding to the peculiarity. Sirius was repeating a set of phrases in a rhythmic manner, following the book in front of him, he sat completely still, concentrating as he did so. Regulus in turn had a look of concentration on his face but his eyes were closed and, though his mouth moved in tandem with his brother’s, not a sound was uttered. Instead, his hands appeared to be speaking for him, composing the words with fingers and gestures. There was a strange beauty to the silent magic.

Regulus canted forward as soon as the spell was over with Marlene rushing to his side, to hold him up by the shoulders before shifting him against a wall.

“Did it work did you manage to get the location?” she asked.

“Seems like it really is a fucking Black family reunion: you’re at the Lestrange estate,” said Sirius, he also looked exhausted from the magic, leaning back on an arm of a sofa.

“Right we need a plan,” Lily said, passing Sirius a glass of water. “I’m not sure how many Order members are going to be committed to a mission like this so we’re gonna be limited on resources. I don’t know where Remus is, but Peter will help, any others?”

Suddenly James, Marlene and Regulus all twitched and looked up.

“They’re coming back,” Marlene whispered, “it’s hardly been any time, it’s too soon. They’re getting more frequent.”

“What do they want?” Sirius said, his face ashy.

“Same as before, they want whatever Regulus knows,” said Marlene.

Regulus himself was squaring his shoulders, a look of grim determination crossing his face, it was the same look he used to get before a game of quidditch.

“We could try and hold them off?” suggested James.

Regulus shook his head, not meeting anyone’s eyes.

“It would be pointless there’s too many of them,” said Marlene. “Hide the mirror, we can’t lose it.”

“We’re gonna work something out, ok? We’re coming for all three of you,” said Lily.

“Marlene?” Sirius whispered; his voice strained.

“I know, I’ll watch him.”

Sirius shivered as the mirror went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo getting the gang together
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see or a character you particularly would like included, I'll try and swing it.
> 
> Chapter Title from First Love/Late Spring by Mitski (because that song just makes me so emo and so does Regulus)
> 
> Oh and in case you were wondering the first draft of this chapter did have Marlene saying “He’s MY Regulus” in response to Sirius


	4. I Choose to Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Visitor arrives. Regulus makes a realisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments on this fic, honestly never had so many people invested in my writing before. It means a lot. 
> 
> I found this chapter the hardest to write so far so I hope everything comes across ok, let me know thoughts.

“How is Itty Bitty Black today?” cousin Bella always adopted the most sickly-sweet voice when torturing her victims. It was a gross parody of the way she’d spoken to him as a child, cooing at him and taking him by the hand to show him the latest dark spells she’d learned. It had all been so exciting then, something new to learn. Now he knew some of those dark spells far too intimately.

“Same old, same old, cousin,” Regulus replied as sardonically as he dared, “can’t complain.”

Remaining dignified while flat on your back, wearing nothing but the same ragged clothes you’ve been wearing for over a week, surrounded by your old colleagues and friends, was no easy feat. Regulus liked to thing he was still pulling it off through a dazzling combination of sarcasm, charm and self-delusion.

“Must be nice to have a new blood traitor for company,” Bella mused, still talking as though they were children, like they used to over dinner at Grimmauld Place, before Regulus was old enough to go to go to Hogwarts. Before everything had become so damnably complicated.

“It is most enjoyable cousin, we exchange many pleasantries about the destruction of the wizarding world, I believe we have tickets to a muggle quidditch match this Friday,” Regulus somewhat relished these chats, something to take his mind off before the spells hit. He’d never been very talkative, but there was a difference between choosing not to talk and being completely unable.

But clearly Bella was becoming tired of their usual parley, these conversations got shorter and shorter as she was losing tolerance for these games. Perhaps the pressure of getting the information was lying heavy on her; the Dark Lord was not known for his patience.

She didn’t even start the interrogation before firing the cruciatus curse. Regulus’ back arched, but he held back the scream that threatened to escape from his lips.

“Reggie, little Reggie, cousin Reggie, why won’t you tell me where the locket is?” Bella asked, her face an inch from his.

Regulus gasped; he didn’t have the energy for a witty retort this time.

“Severus, where’s the potion?” Bellatrix turned to ask the tall man to her side.

Severus never did meet Regulus’ eyes and he could only assume that he did not have quite the same taste for pain as his insane cousin. Instead he provided her with potions and the odd hex which was usually only for holding Regulus in place rather than causing any more pain.

Regulus wondered if Severus believed his impassivity absolved him. If only it were so easy.

“I am afraid our stores are running low,” he murmured in his usual nasal voice, handing over a small vial nonetheless. “It seems Mr Black continues to be holding on to his skill in occlumency, though who taught him I know not.”

Bellatrix snatched the bottle and tilted Regulus’ head back before pouring the potion down his throat. It was all Regulus could do not to choke.

Bellatrix stood back and pointed her wand as if to cast another spell when all the Death Eaters paused, looking at each other in a strange cross between alarm and trepidation. Only his cousin, Bella, seemed pleased at the change of events.

“He approaches,” she whispered.

* * *

James leaned back against the wall, wanting to smash his head against it in frustration. “I hate this,” he sighed.

“I’ve had a week of this,” Marlene replied, “trust me when I say it does not get easier.”

“We still don’t know what his deal is.”

“And I hope that’s not going to stop us from helping him,” Marlene narrowed her eyes at James.

“I’m not saying that. We won’t leave him here. I’m just curious is all, I kind of thought defectors were treated pretty rapidly so I’m just wondering about what he could possibly know that’s so important.”

“Well it could help, all the more reason we need to get out,” Marlene gestured for James to get out the mirror again. He complied without comment.

“Padfoot,” he said to the mirror.

It took no time at all for Sirius to appear this time, he’d likely not put down the mirror since their last conversation.

“Prongs! Marley! How are my two favourite captives doing? Are you missing a roommate?” his voice was light but there was an edge to it.

“He’s not been gone long, likely won’t be back for a few hours,” said Marlene.

Sirius nodded an unreadable look crossing his face.

“Well I’ve been having a look over the maps, the Lestrange estate is large and it’s hard to know how far out the wards stretch. This makes life tricky, but not impossible. Lily is trying to get hold of folks at the moment and see who’d be willing to help out. As much as I’d like to go in all wands blazing, I’m not sure she’d approve. How many minions about, do you know?”

“I’ve not seen more than three, the Carrows and Crouch Jr are the ones who stop by,” said Marlene.

“I can’t imagine cousin Bellatrix isn’t there along with her darling husband, it is her home after all and she’s not likely to want to miss the opportunity for enhanced interrogation.”

“Have you been to the estate before? Maybe for a family gathering?” asked James.

“It’s been a while since I was invited to family gatherings and I’ve hardly had any reason to trot off to Durham while we’re in the middle of a war.” Sirius turned his head to one side thoughtfully, “From what I remember though, the manor is connected to the flu network though there would be some serious blocks in place.”

“If we could get one person in, would it be easy to change that?” James asked.

“It’s possible, Wormtail would be the obvious choice, what with the whole,” he gestured vaguely, “rat thing. Lily’s sent a patronus; truth be told though I’m not sure he’ll go for it, it’s a risky job. I could try for it myself but I reckon I’d need a distraction. That still leaves the issue of the delightful occupants of the house, we know of five but I think we could probably double or triple that. This isn’t the place where they’re interrogating one person, they’re keeping seemingly all their prisoners at the manor.”

“Me and Marlene could help, once we get our wands,” said James.

“Regulus too, though it’s hard to know what shape he’ll be in,” said Marlene.

“Well, that gives us a grand total of three and a half, maybe four and a half if I’m unsuccessful in stopping Lily. Either way, we’re gonna need to pump up those numbers.”

“You’d better be successful in stopping her,” James said, darkly. “What does Dumbledore say? I don’t believe for a second you haven’t spoken to him.”

Sirius sighed, glancing away, “he’s not terribly keen on giving the go ahead. He seems to think the mission would be too costly. He says it might be different if we knew there were any of the major players there, or if we knew what it is that Reggie knows. As it is, I think we’re gonna have to go for something pretty stealthy, a quick exit strategy rather than a battle plan.”

“Fuck,” James sighed, “is Bellatrix not enough of a major player?”

“To be honest, for a siege on an estate like the Lestranges? I imagine Dumbledore was thinking of only one person as constituting a ‘major player’.”

“Is Lily having much success?” asked Marlene.

“Well Wormtail doesn’t sound too keen but I’m sure I can bully him into it. Unfortunately, I think Moony is pretty involved with a very specific Moony mission. She reckons Frank and Alice would be up for it if we had a decent plan, which puts us away at least from suicidal territory into really bad idea territory. We’d need a distraction for sure.”

Just then there seemed to be a commotion from upstairs, loud voices were carrying rushed conversations as footsteps hurried through the corridor above.

_“He’s coming! Quick, get in line.”_

_“Fuck, we still don’t know where the locket is.”_

_“The Dark Lord doesn’t accept failure.”_

The steps petered out as a strange silence took over the house.

James and Marlene looked at each other, their eyes wide.

“What’s going on?” Sirius hissed, then his voice shaking just slightly, “is it Reggie?”

“I think,” James said, feeling a strange mix of abject dread and a funny sort of hope, “that we might have the arrival of a major player.”

Sirius’ eyes widened, “I’ll get going, we might not have long. Stay safe.” With that he disappeared from view.

Marlene let out a deep breath, “Are you ready for a fight?”

* * *

As the doors of the hall swung open a large snake, Nagini, entered the hall followed by her master, his cloak billowing behind as he walked.

“Imperio,” Bellatrix hissed.

Regulus was forced to bow along with his one-time-compatriots.

“Such a sorry sight I see before me,” the Dark Lord, _Voldemort_ Regulus’ mind supplied, said. His voice was soft as silk.

“Such a shame to see another Black cower in Blood Traitor colours, I had such high hopes for you, my child,” Voldemort tilted Regulus’ head up with his foot. “Still I must say, your strength is admirable, I know how persuasive your cousin can be. Would only that such stamina be put to greater use. Pity.”

With a swift movement, he kicked Regulus upside the head, causing the younger man to topple backwards from his stooped position. Regulus was left once again flat on his back, yet this time even the strongest self-delusion couldn’t convince him he was holding any dignity. Regulus knew his time was running out, this was not a battle he could hope to win; only survive.

Voldemort looked impassively round the room, “leave us.”

The was a moment of stillness before the Death Eaters, Bellatrix, Severus, and Evan Rosier, left the hall almost without a sound. Only Voldemort and Nagini remained.

This was it. It came to Regulus quite suddenly in that moment. For years he had been expecting death, and in the last few weeks he had faced it a number of times. Yet, with complete certainty, just as much as he had been sure of his demise in the cave, Regulus was sure of one thing now.

He didn’t want to die.

“I know you have not destroyed it,” Voldemort said, he began pacing around Regulus. He hissed something at Nagini and the snake went to guard the entrance. Regulus hadn’t realised that his former master was a parseltongue, he supposed it fitted rather well with his image. “It would be a shame to destroy such an object, do you not think, Regulus Black? You always appreciated the beauty in objects such as that locket. I am sure you recognised it; it has been in my family for generations.”

“Salazar Slytherin’s locket,” Regulus murmured, he hadn’t been sure at the time, after all it was considered lost among one of the old wizarding families, possibly pawned or sold many years ago though nobody knew to whom.

“Salazar was someone who understood our place in this world. I thought you understood that too, Regulus Black. Your house, so honoured, the most noble and ancient house of Black.” The Dark Lord paused at this and grabbed hold of Regulus’ left arm before rolling back his sleeve.

“Ah, I see your lovely cousin has taken away the honour I once bestowed on you,” he dropped Regulus’ arm.

“When you came to me you were so lost, I must admit I was disappointed, I had expected to find someone rather more ambitious as the Black heir. Perhaps that was your brother, though I have never had the pleasure of meeting him. I had almost wondered if that might change with your arrival here but it seems even in peril you are of little importance to your family,” the Dark Lord’s tone took on something almost akin to pity, as though Regulus’ family life was a genuine point of sorrow for him.

“No matter, no matter,” he moved to stand over Regulus’ head, holding his gaze.

“Perhaps we could start again, young Regulus Black. We could place this whole sorry mess down to a simple matter of childish curiosity. You were so desperate for a place to belong at first, I must confess I saw this desperation over what an asset I now know you can be. Why not join us again, Regulus? I am sure it will be such a great comfort to your mother, to your cousins as well. I am told Narcissa is with child.”

Regulus knew at one point this was all he’d ever wanted. He’d wanted a place to belong, a place where people respected him without seeing him as a disappointment, the lesser brother to a funny and talented Sirius. He had not been able to resist the irresistible pull of belonging somewhere. He’d wanted so badly to find himself among those who cared, he’d lost himself in the process.

In his early teens, the idea of a group especially for wizard and witches like him had seemed too good to be true. As he had gotten older, learned more and grown up, it had become less of a desirable option and more like the only option. Sirius was gone, his father was rarely seen and his mother’s sanity was slipping in her fanaticism. If he ran, he had no idea where he could have run to, to make a stand was suicide, to do nothing was impossible. And yet.

Here Regulus was again, two years older, facing the same decision. Except this time, it was even less of a decision than it had been last time. He wanted to live. He hadn’t realised before in all the chaos and fighting and pain but it was true nonetheless. He had resisted the torture for so long, he could have let his mind slip away like dry sand in the wind; he could have dashed his head against the stone of his cell; he could have begged Marlene to finish what he himself had put into motion by going into that damned cave. He hadn’t.

“I am not known for my lenience nor my second chances. You would be wise not to squander this opportunity, it shall surely only be presented once,” The Dark Lord’s face took on a gentle smile, “Now Regulus, my boy, where is the locket?”

Regulus wanted to live.

“I’m sorry, my Lord, I don’t know where the locket is.”

But he had made his choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I wasn't sure whether or not to include Voldemort but in the end I decided why not go full drama. 
> 
> I expect things will start to get dramatic in the next chapter, I'm not sure how I'm going to split it so it might be that there will be a longer gap before a longer chapter.
> 
> The chapter title comes from 'I Choose to Live' by Creeper, another song with big Regulus energy.


	5. Let Me Help You Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where stuff actually happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos, I really do appreciate it.
> 
> I've not really written action sequences before so I hope this chapter reads ok.

Regulus sat up as he heard Sirius’ door slam. It had been another furious argument with Mother, he didn’t know what had started it; he doubted either of the two of them would be able to give a definitive answer. He slipped out of his room, Sirius was usually too pent up to say much to him after an argument, but Regulus always went to check in.

He carefully opened the door and stuck his head through the gap. He gave a slight gasp when he saw Sirius, instead of slumped on his bed or tearing up books, methodically packing a bag.

“What are you doing?” Regulus asked, hoping that the obvious wasn’t true.

“I can’t stay here anymore, you know I can’t,” said Sirius, grabbing what he could from his room as he spoke and shoving it into a duffle bag. He barely spared Regulus a glance.

“Sirius, where are you going?” Regulus wandered into the room, his eyes wide and unbelieving.

“The Potters, they’ll take me in. James has mentioned it before.”

“But they’re your parents? We’re your family,” Regulus’ voice was shaking, he was wringing his hands as he spoke.

“This is not home; I have a home with the Potters. There is no family for me here,” Sirius pushed past Regulus on his way out.

“Fine! Leave then,” Walburga screeched, “see if we let you darken this house again, go and live with blood traitors!”

Walburga was standing outside her room, watching Sirius dive down the stairs with his bag, her face was a mix of anger and contempt. Regulus met her eyes for a moment before dashing after Sirius. His brother was already at the front door.

“Sirius, Siri, please wait,” Regulus grabbed hold of his brother’s arm, “just wait until the morning, please, it’s late.”

Sirius looked up at the stairs and around the house, “I can’t stay here, Reggie, you know that.”

“What will I do?” Regulus stared uncomprehending, how had this escalated so quickly? Why was this so expected, yet it had completely blindsided him?

Sirius paused, he looked at the new Black heir, still dressed up from the family dinner they’d had earlier. His shirt was pristine, his shoes were perfectly shined, his cloak was impeccably in place with even the pin at the front at an exact ninety-degree angle. The perfect son. The perfect heir. “Stay out of trouble, you’ll be fine, you’re the good son,” he tried for a placating smile.

Sirius turned back to the door but Regulus grabbed his arm once more. “Sirius,” he said, his eyes wide and red rimmed, he looked young. “Please don’t leave me.”

Sirius looked at Regulus again, this time he saw more than the front his younger brother was so good at presenting. His clothes were perfect but he could see that his little brother’s nails were bitten until they’d bled, the hand holding his arm was shaking just slightly, and wisps of hair were starting to fall out of the small ponytail at the base of his skull.

“Reggie,” Sirius sighed, putting his bag down for a second and running his hand through his hair. He took hold of his brother’s shoulders, “come with me.”

“What?”

“You can stay with the Potters, they’re good people. I doubt they’ll object to a second stray. You don’t have to stay here.”

“Sirius I can’t,” Regulus whispered.

“Yes, you can. You don’t have to be their perfect son.”

Regulus looked away from Sirius and glanced up at the foreboding figure of Walburga Black. “They need an heir,” he murmured.

“That’s pureblood crap, you know this,” he gave Regulus a slight shake, “you must know this.”

“They need an heir,” Regulus said again, defeat heavy in his voice, “and you’re leaving.”

“Regulus,” Sirius hissed, leaning into his brother’s space, “I can’t protect you from them if you won’t let me.”

“I’ll be ok, Siri,” Regulus sighed, he placed his hands over his brothers, “I’ll be the heir.”

Sirius snarled and tore his hands from beneath Regulus’, “How can you value that above everything? I don’t understand you. This family is just a name, nobody good mourns the death of a name. It cannot love you back.”

Sirius grabbed his bag, swung it on his shoulder and opened the front door. He paused, one foot out of the door, his eyes imploring but Regulus just gave his head a slight shake. Sirius gave a sigh, “there’s nothing in this house worth giving up your life for, Reggie.”

With that he dashed out into the night air, leaving Regulus standing on the doorstep.

Ignoring the shouts of indignation of his mother, Regulus watched his brother’s form disappear from view, “There used to be.”

* * *

Regulus was thrown back against the wall, sliding onto the floor. He tried to curl in on himself as the Dark Lord stalked forward like a snake approaching a cornered rabbit, his footsteps were measured and carefully placed. Despite the loss of the locket, his face was the picture of serenity, it was even more terrifying than the anger it had replaced.

“What a fool you have been, Regulus Black,” he stepped closer, “you think anyone will know what you have done. Do you really believe you could make a difference?”

He gave Regulus a swift kick in the ribs, causing the younger man to cry out.

“Nobody will mourn your loss. You will die mine, and die by my hand,” his smile seemed to split his face in two before he fired another spell.

Regulus felt his left leg shatter under the curse and he was unable to hold in the scream that ripped from his throat. He tried to clutch at it but his ribs gave protest as he tried to lean over. He leaned back gasped as he slumped against the wall.

“I don’t care,” he whispered.

“Oh, but you do, Regulus,” Voldemort said softly, “you care so much. That is your problem. I could see it all before you shielded your mind from me.

“Poor little child, so desperate for love, so desperate to belong. You wanted to believe you were special for any reason, wanted to think you were better than the ones who hurt you, who took your brother from you. How could someone as cowardly and desperate as you resist the idea that you were born for greatness?”

Voldemort snarled suddenly and threw another hex, this time it was his arm, his wand arm, that Regulus felt shatter. He felt the familiar burn in his throat and knew he must have screamed, but his senses were escaping him, leaving everything far away and blurry, like he was once again being dragged under water.

“Here you are, still the same desperation, so frantic to mean something, to matter. You will die screaming and it will be for nothing,” the Dark Lord met his eyes and smiled.

“Not nothing,” Regulus hissed, “you’ll be defeated.”

Voldemort merely gave an awkward laugh, the type that was forced out rather than driven from genuine amusement.

“My dear boy,” the Dark Lord smiled, he tilted Regulus’ face towards his own, “only a fool would make only one.”

No.

That couldn’t be right.

Regulus’ eyes widened in horror.

He’d been meticulous in his research and nothing he had read had led him to believe such a thing as making more than one was possible. And yet, he saw the truth of the Dark Lord’s words, saw that there was no trace of a lie behind his eyes. It was impossible. It should be impossible.

It was all for nothing.

Something in Regulus snapped; he’d given everything to this. He’d given up his life, his family, his future, all to ensure this one thing; all to give those who stood against the Dark Lord a chance. He’d been foolish, so damn optimistic to think that he could stop this, that he could make up for all his bad choices with one good act.

“No,” Regulus whispered.

The Dark Lord smirked, “But of course, you were so consumed by your desire to make amends, so anxious to be one of the light.”

He fired another cruciatus curse and Regulus didn’t hold back his screams which soon morphed into sobs.

“Please stop,” he moaned, “please, no more.”

Tears started to stream down his dirty face, leaving tracks in their wake. He’d been so strong, but he didn’t want to be anymore, he couldn’t go on anymore.

Voldemort had a vicious grin on his face. Despite their positions, Regulus had been frustrating his former master at every turn, his stubbornness had held out against the onslaught he had faced. The younger man’s refusal to break down had been disconcerting; the Dark Lord could not let the boy die, not until he’d had his revenge, his triumph.

The traitor’s despair was the final victory the Dark Lord wanted. This was what he had come for. If he couldn’t get the locket, he’d settle for his enemy broken and sobbing on the floor.

“So, you finally see,” he smirked, “just how worthless you are.”

Regulus couldn’t hold back his sobs as much as he might once have wanted to. It didn’t matter any longer, his mission had failed and he wouldn’t be alive to complete it. In his foolishness he’d not even passed on the information. He’d go down in history as a simple footnote, another Death Eater that got cold feet. He’d always told himself he was ok with it, ok so long as he managed to change things, to have the honour if not the glory. Now he was facing death with neither.

Seeing the grin on the Dark Lord’s face, Regulus knew it was over. He shut his eyes and waited for death to hit.

“Avada –”

The curse was cut off and instead of the second word Regulus could hear a thunderous growling that seemed to make the room tremble with its force. His eyes flew open in bewilderment.

It had finally happened. He’d gone mad.

There was no other explanation for the enormous black dog, who’s jaws had latched onto Voldermort’s wand hand. Regulus blinked but the sight in front of him didn’t change.

The Dark Lord was snarling and trying to throw off the mutt that was attacking him with a ferocity Regulus didn’t think he’d ever seen in an animal before.

With a sudden effort, Voldemort threw off the dog that had been biting him before giving it a swift kick. The dog slid along the marble floor before transforming into a man.

No, not just a man.

His brother.

Sirius drew his wand in less than a second, throwing up a shield just before he could be hit by the Dark Lord’s killing curse. As he held off the curse, Sirius slowly stepped to the side, placing himself in front of Regulus.

“Well, this is a touching sight,” Voldemort looked only slightly taken aback. “Two blood traitor brothers, come to die together.”

“Come to live,” Sirius smirked, “I brought back up.”

All of a sudden, the sounds of shouts and spells could be heard from the other side of the door. There must have been at least twenty people baying and fighting.

Voldemort gave a snarl of rage. He tried to fire the curse a second time, aiming at Regulus, but Sirius’ protection was strong and held.

“Worthless traitor,” he hissed before disapparating, taking Nagini with him.

“Fuck you too, coward.” Sirius gave a triumphant smirk before remembering where he was.

He cleared the space between himself and Regulus in seconds, and Regulus was soon blinking into the familiar face of his older brother.

“Reggie, hey,” he frowned, his hands hovered awkwardly, as Sirius dithered over where would be safe to touch. He settled for laying a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“Siri,” Regulus gasped, “what the fuck?”

“Nice to see you too.”

“When did you become an animagus?” Regulus said, his voice high and almost hysterical as he settled on the least confusing aspect of this meeting.

“When did you decide to betray Voldemort?”

Regulus nodded vaguely as if this answered everything.

“It’s a little hairy out there Reggie, we better get moving.” Sirius grabbed hold of Regulus’s arm, the wrong one, and the younger brother gave a slight cry.

“Shit, shit, sorry, sorry,” he ran a hand through his hair. “Can you walk? We need to get moving.”

The noises from outside continued, the chandelier was quivering with each spell fired.

Regulus shook his head, “I’m sorry Siri.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’ll help you, we’ll be fine,” he gave a reassuring smile, but his eyes remained hard.

“My pocket, Sirius, I need to give you something,” Regulus began grasping with his good hand at his jeans.

“Whatever it is I’m sure it can wait.”

“This is too important,” Regulus retrieved a scrap of parchment from his pocket, it was crumpled and slightly blood stained but he handed it to Sirius like it was his very essence. “You need to know, there’s more than one. I thought there was only one. I’m sorry.”

“We can talk about it later,” Sirius thought about ignoring the parchment but he could see from his brother’s expression that he was not going to get very far until he’d pocketed it.

“There’s too many, I’ll hold you back,” Regulus murmured.

The door burst open and Sirius whirled round, his wand pointed in a heartbeat. It was Marlene, her hair wild and a wand in her hand.

“We need to go, Sirius, the wards are open for Death Eaters, we’re being overrun,” Marlene spotted Regulus and dashed into the room, “How is he?”

“He’s fine, I’ll get him out, you go,” Sirius insisted grabbing hold of Regulus around his thighs and shoulders.

Marlene shook her head, “You need protection if you’re gonna carry him. I’ll cover you.”

“Just go,” Regulus hissed, pushing weakly at his brother’s hands.

“Not without you,” Sirius lifted Regulus up as though he weighed nothing before placing him across his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. “You’re coming with us, don’t make me hex you.”

James dashed into the room, “The Order is retreating, we can’t hold them off. Where’s Voldemort?”

“Coward disappeared the moment he knew I had back up, the fucker,” said Sirius, stalking towards the door, his steps didn’t even falter despite the extra weight.

“I’ll help cover you,” said James, taking the opposite side of Sirius to Marlene. “Hey Regulus,” he said as an afterthought.

Regulus merely stared back, not quite ready to acknowledge the abrupt change in events. Most of his energy was going into holding back any cries of pain, knowing how much it was bound to upset Sirius. He could hold out a little longer.

The four of them left the room, making a beeline for the fireplace in the entrance way, dashing along the corridor.

It was chaos. Spells were flying through the air at such frequency that the very air seemed to be on fire with the flashes of colours. Regulus glanced around and saw Severus battling Frank Longbottom in one corner, he was being backed into a wall until he was joined by Lucius Malfoy. Longbottom seemed to see the hopelessness of the situation and started backing a hasty retreat, making a dash for the fireplace.

His cousin, Bellatrix was screaming curses in every direction, never taking on a single combatant, rather scattering spells like hurling sand into the wind. Her victims were indiscriminate and she didn’t seem to care that, more often than not, she was hitting her own side. She caught sight of the group and started advancing towards them.

“Traitor!” she shrieked, “you will pay!”

While Bellatrix was an advanced and competent dueller, she was halfway incensed and so didn’t see the full body bind hex that Marlene sent her way. Even as she fell to the floor, she continued to scream insults.

“Where’s are we flooing?” James asked, firing spells as he did.

“Not far, just an abandoned house,” said Sirius, “we’re bound to be followed, so just apparate as soon as you’re clear.”

“I don’t know where the hideout is,” said Marlene.

“You can sidealong with me,” said James, casting another disarming spell and passing the caught wand to Regulus.

Regulus wasn’t quite sure what the point to that was, he was barely conscious and hardly trustworthy, not to mention the fact that the wand was not even close to his old one. Despite this, he started waving it, hissing curses that barely seemed to make an impact. May as well show himself willing if nothing else.

The four of them reached the fireplace, which was being guarded by Alice Longbottom and Edgar Bones. Alice was just ushering her husband through when she saw them approach.

“We’re the last ones, let’s get going,” she said, before jumping through. Edgar followed after her, giving the group a short salute.

“Go through Sirius, we’ve got your back. Regulus needs you,” James insisted, giving Sirius a shove as he did so.

Sirius normally would have argued or simply pushed James into the fireplace, but he could hear Regulus’ laboured breathing, he had to put his brother first.

The two of them jumped into the fireplace, Sirius yelling a location Regulus didn’t recognise as they did. Regulus was struggling to stay awake, crashing through the floo network was not adding to his ability to stay cognitive.

“You with me, Reggie?” Sirius called as he climbed out of the fireplace.

It was all Regulus could do to give a faint moan in response.

“Ok, nearly there, let’s apparate home, yeah?” Sirius gave his good arm a gentle pat as he said it, before the two of them apparated.

Regulus had never enjoyed apparating, he was fairly adept at apparating himself but he had never gotten past the sickness from being carried by someone else. At the best of times it made him feel queasy. On this occasion, it was all it took for him to pass out.

* * *

Lily gave a cry as Sirius appeared in the living room, back at the flat they were using as a temporary safe house.

“You’re back!” she rushed towards him, “where’s James?”

As if to answer her question James himself appeared along with Marlene a second later, the two of them panting, exhilarated from their escape.

“Honey, I’m home,” James said with a shit eating grin.

Lily and James met in a fierce hug as Marlene came over to Sirius as he carefully lifted Regulus from his shoulders.

“How’s he doing?” she asked, as the two of them carried him over to the sofa.

Sirius looked stricken as quickly reached for his younger brother’s wrist to check his pulse. He leaned over Regulus’ chest as he did so, kneeling on the floor by the sofa.

“Reggie?” he asked, giving Regulus a light shake, “Reggie are you with us?”

Lily came over to do a diagnostic spell.

“What is it? Where’s he hurt?”

“Bastards,” Lily hissed.

“How bad is it?” James asked joining the gathering round the sofa.

“He’s a mess, I don’t even recognise some of these curses,” Lily said, thinking out loud. Sirius’ breath hitched and she quickly changed her tone. “I can fix him; I’ll go and get the potions now. Don’t fret, Sirius, you’ll be annoying each other in no time.”

Sirius took Regulus’ hand, staring intently as though his fingers had the answers to the universe just under the skin. It was one of the only uninjured parts of his brother, unharmed except for the way his nails had clearly been chewed down to stubs.

Marlene and James stepped back, unwilling to break the vigil.

“How is everyone?” she asked James quietly, “do you know of any casualties?”

“I’ll find out now,” he stepped out into the hall to cast a patronus.

Lily came back into the living room, her arms laden with potions. “I can fix his ribs and most of the cuts, though I’m afraid they’ll scar something fierce. I don’t really know what shattered his arm and leg, must have been something dark, they might have to be left to heal the muggle way.”

She carefully tilted Regulus’ head back before tipping a potion down his throat, smoothing his hair away from his face as she did so.

“I left him,” Sirius murmured.

“Don’t be silly,” Lily chided, “he’s right here, you brought him back.”

“Not now,” Sirius shook his head, “before. I left him alone.”

Lily sighed before sinking down onto her knees next to Sirius, she put her hand on his shoulder. “Sirius, I don’t know much about your family. But everything I have heard is not good. I know you want to save the world, save everyone, but sometimes it’s ok to save just one person. In the situation you were in, I think it’s more than ok if that one person was you. I don’t know your family but I know a little something about difficult sibling relationships. You can’t save someone unless they’re ready, no matter how much you might want to. You just have to be there when they are prepared to accept the help, and you were there.”

She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and graciously ignored the wetness around his eyes, “He’s going to be ok.”

She stood up as James came back into the room, he looked relieved.

“Just heard back from Moody. No major casualties. Dorcas got hit with a nasty curse but she’s staying with the Longbottoms; Caradoc is in a bit of a state but is on the mend at Mungo’s. It was such chaos in there, I don’t think there was proper intent behind most of the spells. We were in and out so fast, mostly thanks to Sirius being quick about sorting out the floo.”

Marlene smiled, “I am so glad to be out of that place.” She came over to Lily and the two hugged tightly as only those who knew the possibility of loss could.

James turned to Sirius, “Did he tell you why he was there?”

Sirius shook his head, “he was pretty out of it –” He paused, and started patting down his jacket before shaking fingers retrieved a crumpled piece of parchment from one of his pockets. “He gave me this, was insistent, something about there being more than one.”

Marlene, James and Lily all hovered as Sirius carefully uncrumpled the ball of parchment.

* * *

_To the Dark Lord_

_I know that I will be dead long before you read this…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! They're finally all home and together! 
> 
> I think the next chapter will probably be the last of this installment. I'm thinking of making this a series basically because I have plenty of ideas but they're not quite cohesive enough to flow together. Let me know what you think and if there's anything or any character you'd like to see.
> 
> The chapter title is from The Bad List by Z Berg and Ryan Ross, one of my favourites.


	6. I'm Gonna Help You Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Sirius talk. Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me a little longer, it's been a pretty emotionally draining time and I was struggling a lot with how to write this chapter. 
> 
> Anyway, here it is and I hope you enjoy it. Just wanted to say that this has been one of the most positive writing experiences I've ever had and it's mostly down to how lovely you've all been. Thank you so much for indulging me in this.

“Ok, I’m going to be the one to say it,” Marlene said, shaking her head slightly, “I have no fucking clue what a horcrux is. Anyone else?”

There was a slight pause before everyone began shaking their heads.

“I mean, I wish I knew what it was cus the rest of the letter… Damn Sirius, who knew your younger brother had the stones. What the fuck! Leaving a letter as well? That’s brilliant,” James was staring in open admiration at the young man currently passed out on the sofa.

Lily gave him a sharp elbow in the ribs, “he almost died.”

“I know, I know, but still. I can’t wait ‘til he wakes up, I need to shake his hand. Big kudos, my man,” James directed the last part directly at Regulus, who remained unconscious.

Sirius for his own part was frowning at the letter, “I don’t understand.”

“What’s there to understand?” James asked, the grin still on his face, “your little brother turned out to be a badass after all.”

“Why does it say ‘by the time you read this I will be dead’? Why would he write that?” Sirius stared up at the other three. “Why wouldn’t he come to me first?”

James’ smile was wiped off his face in a heartbeat and he brought his best friend into a hug instead.

“I don’t know, Padfoot, but you’re going to be able to ask him, ok?”

Sirius nodded and hid his face in his best friend’s shoulder.

* * *

Regulus remained asleep for the next three days. He was occasionally disturbed to be given more potions, and at one point the four moved him to a bed rather than just leave him on the sofa. Sirius stayed by his side, sleeping in a chair next to the bed, afraid that he if left Regulus would disappear again.

While Marlene and James had tried to coax Sirius out of the room, insisting on him at least showering or joining them for a meal, it was Lily who didn’t question him. She understood in a way the other two could not. After all, even after all this time, there was little she wouldn’t do if her sister was in danger.

James had called Dumbledore to the flat not long after they’d gotten Regulus situated in bed. James didn’t think that he’d ever seen the old wizard look surprised before, but as their old headmaster read over the letter his eyes widened in shock. He then appeared all together a little too gleeful for James’ taste considering his best friend’s younger brother was still unconscious upstairs.

Even more frustrating was that the old man refused to enlighten them as to what a horcrux was, only saying that he was sure Regulus would be able to tell them and to ask if they would be oh so kind as to let him know when the young man woke up.

In some ways James thought it was probably a good thing that Sirius was in a self-imposed vigil at the side of his brother’s bed. He wouldn’t have put it past his best friend to deck the old wizard in the face.

It therefore remained the case that they were reliant on Regulus’ recovery to discover just what had caused his predicament.

* * *

The first thing Regulus was aware of, was just how little he was aware; he could barely feel most of his body and his mind felt like it was floating. Whatever pain potion he was on, it must have been pretty strong.

The next thing he was aware of, was that he was clearly in bed for the first time in what must have been at least two weeks. The sheets weren’t the same ones from home, they were cotton rather than silk, but somehow that was more reassuring. He tried to remember how he’d goten there but was drawing a blank.

Regulus listened out to try and figure out some clues as to his surroundings, he was already at a disadvantage of knowledge, he needed to remedy that as quickly as he could. He couldn’t hear any screams or spells fired, instead the room seemed very quiet with just the deep breathing of a second person fairly close by.

Regulus wanted to know where he was hurt, what parts of him were damaged but he couldn’t do that with all the potion in his system. Wherever he was couldn’t be too bad if they had treated him and put him to bed. Perhaps they didn’t recognise him.

His eyes slowly blinked open and he cast a look about the room. The walls were cream but the rest of the decoration was a shock of red from the carpet to the curtains, even the bedding. Regulus looked to the man by the bed and suddenly the décor made sense. Sirius. He was in Sirius’ room.

Sirius was slumped over in a chair, his hair was greasier than Regulus had seen, he’d never have thought his brother would allow it to get like that; his clothes were wrinkled, and he had deep dark circles under his eyes. He was the most wonderful sight Regulus had seen in months.

It was at that moment Regulus heard footsteps approaching the door. He knew he should close his eyes, give himself some desperate advantage over whoever was invading this sanctuary. He couldn’t take his eyes of his brother.

“Hey Sirius, I need to give Regulus a check-up,” she gave a slight gasp and broke into a smile at the sight of Regulus. Regulus recognised the speaker as Lily Evans, he had seen her often in Slug Club, though they hadn’t really spoken. It was therefore bizarre for her to have such a positive reaction; he couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so pleased to see him.

It was at that point Sirius blinked awake, mumbling something while rubbing sleep from his eyes. He froze when he caught sight of his little brother staring back at him.

“Reggie? You’re awake?”

Regulus had barely had a chance to nod before he felt strong arms engulf him as he was pulled forward into a tight embrace. Tears stung his eyes as he took a shuddering breath before bringing up his own arms to wrap around his wayward older brother.

“I thought I had lost you. I thought I’d lost you for so long,” Sirius whispered.

Regulus didn’t know what to say so he held on tighter instead. The memories of what had happened came to him in a rush: the torture, being saved by Sirius, the escape, being carried by Sirius. It was overwhelming. Regulus continued to hold on to his brother.

Eventually, as the reality and awkwardness of the situation dawned on him, Regulus searched for something to break the strange tension that was building up.

“You might want to consider a wash at some point, Sirius,” Regulus murmured, still making no attempt to let go.

Rather than being angered by his words, Sirius simply chuckled, “you’re one to talk.”

Sirius leaned back and held Regulus’ face in his hands. “Reggie,” he said, “I am going to say this from the absolute bottom of my heart. What the fuck?”

Regulus winced. He was so not ready for this conversation. He never thought he’d even be having this conversation. He’d entrusted the traps put in place by the Dark Lord to ensure that this conversation never happened.

Regulus gave a shrug.

“Really? Is that all I get? Reggie, you can’t just do that,” Sirius sighed, the familiar anger creeping back into his voice. It was almost reassuring, like returning home to an uncomfortably lumpy mattress.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Sirius. I honestly never thought you’d know.”

Sirius, never one to be still for long, jumped up at his words and began pacing, “That makes it worse! Surely you can see how that makes it worse! Why didn’t you tell me what was going on with you?”

Regulus sighed and began picking at lint on the sheets with the hand not currently encased in a sling. “I don’t get why you’re mad. I did what you would have done. I swapped sides.”

“You almost died!” Sirius yelled, suddenly the fight left him and he came to sit back beside Regulus, taking one of his hands. “You almost died, I came in and he was about to cast the spell. I thought I wouldn’t get there in time.”

“I’m sorry I put you through that,” Regulus said, aware that he was being petulant but not knowing how else to react.

“Dammit Regulus, that’s not what I meant and you know it,” said Sirius. “Also, for the record, that is not what I would have done. I would have told my friends, I would have gotten back-up, I would have done anything rather than just launch myself into a suicide mission. We would never have found out what happened to you.”

“That’s just it though, Sirius. You had people you could tell. What was I supposed to do? Who are my friends?”

“Me! I’m your friend.”

“Sirius,” Regulus sighed, “look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that you would have trusted me.”

Sirius paused, he looked at Regulus before glancing away. He didn’t answer.

“This was too important. I thought, foolishly I now realise, that if I did this nobody else would need to be concerned with the Dark Magic it involves. If you knew what it was you would see how important it was.”

“Reggie,” Sirius met his eyes once more, confident in the truth of his words, “there is nothing important to me that doesn’t include you.”

Regulus didn’t have an answer for that.

There was a soft knock at the door before James snuck his head round. “Are you two done having a moment yet?”

“We were just in the middle of it, but thanks for sticking your ugly face in and ruining it,” Sirius sighed, but he gestured vaguely for James to come in.

“You’re welcome,” James gave a grin before turning to Regulus. “Regulus, my man, big fan of your work. Honestly, I wish I could have seen Voldemort’s face. Just absolutely stellar stuff. I’ve already completely annoyed your brother with asking if we can get that letter framed.”

Regulus was slightly bewildered as James reached out and shook his hand. He didn’t think he’d ever had much interaction with James that wasn’t either out of necessity in jail cell, or consisting of angry words about Sirius.

“Urm, thank you?” said Regulus.

“You’re welcome,” he said, before the joking tone left his voice, “how are you feeling?”

“Like I got tortured by the Dark Lord,” Regulus said before wincing, he wasn’t sure this was a good venue for his usual level of sarcasm and dark humour.

James, however, just seemed to take it in his stride, he grabbed a chair from another corner of the room and came and sat by the bed. “Yeah, I thought you might say something like that. Lily did her best to fix your bones, but we’ve never really come across that spell before, even Dumbledore was stumped. Anyway, it seems you should heal up, but it might take a while.”

Regulus nodded slowly, “I suppose I can do research from here.”

“Research into what? The horcrux? You still haven’t told us what it is,” said Sirius.

“A horcrux is dark magic, really dark magic. It’s not included in most books, even the ones you wouldn’t find at Hogwarts. I still haven’t found a way to destroy it. The Dar- Voldemort split his soul through a ritual which involves killing an innocent. Even if you were to kill him, he would survive through the piece of the soul he’d torn off and placed into an object. That’s what a horcrux is.”

“So that’s what the locket is?” Sirius asked.

“Yes, it’s part of his soul. That’s why he wanted it back so badly.”

“You do know where it is right?” Sirius asked.

Regulus simply rolled his eyes in response.

“Just checking,” Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender. Regulus was surprised that his brother didn’t push it further. Did he really trust Regulus with such a thing, even now he knew what it was?

“So,” James started, “you wanted to destroy it so that he could be killed?”

“Yes, but I was foolish. Nothing I had read led me to believe there could be more than one, but, before he went to kill me, he gloated. He told me there were more.”

“Fuck,” Sirius hissed, “but Voldemort’s killed hundred’s there could be loads.”

Regulus shook his head, “I know my track record isn’t great, but I don’t think that can be the case. To make a horcrux is to replace the missing piece of soul with pure dark energy. The more you made, in theory, the less there would be left of a person.”

“Bold claim, calling him a person,” James aimed for a joke.

Regulus shrugged, “as much as I, more than anyone, would like to believe he was some kind of malevolent demon, influencing others, influencing me; he is human. Or some approximation of it.”

“You think you can find the others?” Sirius asked.

Regulus leaned back in bed and gave it some thought. He’d never expected to live, but here he was. The thought of throwing that away to go on to hunt more of what had caused him such pain in the first place was terrifying. Memories of being dragged into murky waters lurked just below his consciousness.

But he’d been alone then. Maybe now he’d have people to come with him.

As if sensing his hesitance, Sirius gave him a smile, “of course, I would be coming with you on any hunts. It is now more apparent than ever that you cannot be left to your own devices.”

“I know for a fact that Marlene is also pretty firmly invested in this,” said James, “and you’ve got me and Lily to help as much as we can.”

Regulus gave a put-upon smile, “well it seems I am stuck with you now. It would be imprudent to fight it.”

“Most imprudent,” Sirius said with a grin.

Regulus couldn’t help but return his smile. He could do this. They could do this. They’d done the impossible, they’d escaped from the Dark Lord himself; and now they wanted him to join them, to be their comrade, their companion. Their friend.

For the first time in his life, Regulus Black felt part of something he truly wanted to be a part of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it! I hope this chapter was satisfying enough. I wasn't sure how to end it but I like to think I've left Regulus in a much more positive place than he was at the start! I will be hoping to develop this into a series though it could be a few weeks before I get that off the ground. I have, however, written most of a new Regulus fic which is completely different to this one and much more humorous and, to be honest, kinda ridiculous. It's a stand alone so I'll probably just post the whole thing as one chapter.
> 
> Anyway, big love to you all and thank you so much for reading. Please do let me know your thoughts or suggestions for what happens next!
> 
> Chapter title comes from Twin Size Mattress by The Front Bottoms which I think is a song that really sums up Sirius and Regulus' relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I’m hoping to update in the next couple of days, the next chapter is written I just need to edit. 
> 
> If you have the time, it would be lovely to hear any thoughts, queries or suggestions. I have a basic idea of where I want the story to go but I’m tempted to make this a series so let me know if you have any ideas. 
> 
> The title comes from Twin Size Mattress by the Front Bottoms


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